The Difference Between Social Exclusion and Cyberbullying
As social beings, we all have a fundamental need for belonging, acceptance, and love. For teenagers, the main task is to forge a personal identity, and they often do this by distancing themselves from the adult world and connecting with their peers. Rejection and exclusion during this sensitive and tumultuous age can be far more powerful and dangerous than at younger or older stages of life.
Social exclusion (“boycott”) is defined as a planned rejection of a group member by the majority of the group. It is expressed through ostracism and deliberate avoidance. This can include isolation, humiliation, and shaming, all while excluding the person from their peer group. Being excluded is one of the most devastating fears we know. Even in prison, the worst punishment involves solitary confinement. Data shows that social exclusion occurs in two-thirds of all classrooms. It is more common in early adolescence, towards the end of elementary school, and its frequency tends to decrease with age.
In the past, kids and teens who were excluded could find solace at home, away from school and social activities. Today, in the digital age, a person’s home is no longer their fortress.
Cyberbullying is any behavior carried out through technology by an individual or group that is intended to harm, humiliate, embarrass, harass, or frighten another person. It can be verbal—repeatedly sharing offensive content and messages—or it can involve the publication of photos and videos.
There are different types of cyberbullying, including:
- Impersonation
- Harassment
- Extortion and threats
- Exclusion and ostracism
- Spreading rumors
- Sharing personal and private information
- Mocking and slandering
Three groups are involved in the process of social exclusion and cyberbullying: the victims, the perpetrators, and the bystanders. All three groups need help. The perpetrators are often victims themselves and need help and guidance, not just punishment. It is deeply concerning that so many kids are watching this aggressive behavior and living in fear and anxiety that it will happen to them next. This anxiety often prevents them from standing up for the victims and from confiding in adults in their lives.
How to Identify Warning Signs?
By being vigilant. We must be sensitive to any changes in a child’s behavior. Children and adolescents often struggle to express distress with words, so it’s a good idea to pay attention to behaviors that might hint at emotional distress that requires intervention. As a rule, any behavior that is unusual or out of character should be a red flag.
How to Start a Conversation with Your Child?
Your role as a parent begins long before you suspect that your child is being harmed. The combination of the increasing number of teenagers directly affected by social exclusion and online bullying, the severe emotional consequences experienced by children who witness these acts of violence and humiliation, and the internet’s status as a playground with little parental supervision, requires us as parents and educators to have an active presence in the online world. We need to develop skills for identifying distress and managing a supportive conversation afterward.
Recommendations for Parental Involvement
- Maintain open lines of communication with your teenagers on a regular basis. This will increase the chances that they will turn to you in times of distress.
- Be alert to changes in their mood and to signs of distress.
- Be involved in your children’s online activities. Avoid making statements that dismiss the internet or threatening to disconnect them out of fear or a lack of understanding of their world.
- Discuss the difference between “tattling” and “reporting” with your children. Encourage them to help friends in distress and to share information with a trusted adult, even if it means revealing a secret.
- Before buying the first smartphone, educate them. Don’t just describe the dangers of the internet; equip your children with the skills for safe browsing that will help them avoid harm.
- Have a calm and thoughtful discussion with them about safety, responsibility, and protecting their privacy. At the same time, it’s important that teenagers are aware of the emotional distress they cause others with hurtful public comments on social media and that they are sensitive to the feelings of others.
- Send a clear message that they should not participate in social exclusion or share hurtful videos that contain violence or sexual content (humiliation, fighting, or nudity, for example).
Should You Check Your Child’s Smartphone?
There is a fine line between involvement and interference. Parental involvement is essential online. The internet’s convenience as a platform for bullying stems from the almost complete absence of adult authority figures. Few parents or teachers are aware of what’s happening on the social media platforms their children or students use.
However, this involvement should come from a place of concern, care, and support, not from a place of control and policing. Trust and open communication about boundaries are important. When there are concerning signs, it’s recommended to be vigilant and observe the child’s behavior both socially and online. Using technology is not a substitute for attention, listening, and having a conversation. It’s a good idea for parents to occasionally ask if their child has experienced harm online and to establish themselves as significant, caring figures who are there for them no matter what.
In cases of harm or suspected harm from cyberbullying, please contact the National Headquarters for the Protection of Children Online, at phone number 105.
By Dr. Shiri Daniels, the National Professional Director of ERAN.