Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity
We are made up of many parts that define who we are. Sexual orientation and gender identity are significant components of our identity.
We live in a world where it isn’t always simple to be our true selves. It’s not always easy to understand ourselves, let alone share it with others, especially when it comes to our sexual orientation or gender identity. Whether you are just starting to ask questions, or already know who you are, there is room for every feeling, every thought, and every pace.
Gender Identity
Gender identity is the internal way each of us experiences and feels our own gender. Our gender identity can be male, female, a combination of both, or neither. Gender identity stems from our inner feelings and does not always align with societal expectations or the sex we were assigned at birth. It can be expressed in various ways and may evolve over time.
Sexual Orientation
Sexual orientation refers to our romantic or sexual attraction toward others, if such attraction exists. Each of us experiences sexual orientation differently, being attracted to men, women, all genders, or a wide range of gender identities. Some individuals may not experience sexual attraction at all. Just like gender identity, sexual orientation is a unique and profound part of our self-understanding, and there is no single “right” way to experience it.
How we choose to define ourselves is entirely personal
This choice reflects our inner experience. Exploring our gender identity and sexual orientation can be a profound, empowering, and sometimes challenging journey, especially if we feel there is no room or “permission” for the questions and feelings we have. This is a deeply personal process, and everyone has the right to move at the pace that feels right for them.
A Journey of Self-Discovery
The journey of discovering and shaping one’s gender identity and sexual orientation can be exciting, but it may also involve complex, confusing, and sometimes difficult thoughts and feelings. It is a personal process, with no fixed rules, timeline, or single path that fits everyone.
The development of gender identity usually begins between the ages of two and three, when children start to distinguish between boys and girls. By around ages five to six, most of us develop a more stable sense of our gender identity. During adolescence, some people may re-examine or experience changes in their gender identity. The formation of gender identity is influenced by biological factors, such as genetics and hormones, as well as environmental factors—our interactions with others and the messages we receive, for example, encouragement toward certain types of play or clothing associated with boys or girls.
Sexual orientation—the understanding and feeling of who we are romantically or sexually attracted to—typically begins to take shape in early adolescence, around ages 10–13. The process of understanding and accepting one’s sexual orientation may continue throughout adolescence and beyond.
The feelings that arise, whether excitement, confusion, concern, or even fear, are all natural and completely valid. Sometimes we may feel that our identity does not align with what society or the people around us expect. This can be a stage where feelings of insecurity or confusion arise, and it is okay to feel this way.
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The feelings that arise after sexual assault are diverse and often confusing. You may experience physical pain, unexplained fatigue, fears, and a sense of loss of control. The body, which is our physical home in the world, can suddenly feel foreign or threatening. This may lead to feelings of discomfort, distance, or a sense of detachment (dissociation) from oneself.
The assault can also change how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. Feelings of guilt and shame often accompany the trauma, even when there is no reason to blame yourself. You may be overwhelmed by thoughts like “Maybe it happened because of something I did” or “What will people think of me if they find out?”
These thoughts are completely natural, but they can cause us to withdraw from others and make it difficult to ask for help and support. It is important to remember that with the right support and care, it is possible to cope and recover from sexual assault.
What Is Considered Sexual Assault?
Sexual assault is any situation in which a person coerces, attempts to coerce, or pressures another person into a sexual act without clear and free consent.
This includes:
- Unwanted physical touch.
- Offensive sexual remarks or harassment.
- The non-consensual exposure to or distribution of sexual images and content.
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Sometimes, it is difficult to recognize an experience as “assault,” especially when it involves someone close to us or situations where boundaries were blurred.
Sexual assault can occur at any age, in any environment, and across all socio-economic backgrounds. It can be a one-time incident or ongoing abuse. Any violation of personal and sexual boundaries is a difficult experience that can have a deep impact.
Every one of us deserves to feel safe and respected within our personal space and our own bodies. Understanding this helps us recognize instances of harm and acknowledge that what happened was wrong.
If You Experienced Sexual Assault in the Past Week
There Sexual Assault Centers, designed to assist and support survivors of sexual assault. These centers provide emergency medical-preventive care as well as emotional support.
While you are not obligated to go to an Acute Room, it is important to know that the first few days after an assault are critical for receiving initial medical and emotional care. These centers also collect forensic evidence should you decide to pursue legal action.
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- Timeframe: You can arrive at an Acute Room up to one week after the incident.
- Recommendation: It is highly recommended to arrive within 72 hours to allow for the best medical care and evidence collection.
- Confidentiality: Care and assistance are provided with strict confidentiality.
- Staff: These centers operate 24/7 with professional teams specially trained to provide care and support during the sensitive period following an assault.
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Self Help Tips
There Is No One “Right” Way to Be You
Regardless of the voices around you, remember there is no single “correct” way to feel or act based on your identity or orientation. Every way you choose to express yourself, every feeling you have, and every way you wish to be treated is legitimate. You deserve to live your life authentically.
You Are the Expert of Your Own Life
Your sexual orientation and gender identity are deep, unique parts of who you are. Allow yourself the freedom to explore and discover your authentic self at a pace that feels right for you, without the pressure to meet the expectations of others.
Find and Build a Supportive Community
Connecting with others who are going through similar experiences can strengthen you and provide a vital sense of belonging. Support groups, social gatherings, or even online forums can serve as safe havens for support and acceptance.
Remember – It’s a Process That Takes Time
Developing your sexual orientation and gender identity is often a journey. There may be ups and downs, shifts in feelings, and unfamiliar thoughts along the way. This takes time, so try not to rush yourself. Give yourself the space and time to process whatever arises.
Share with Someone You Trust
When you feel ready, opening up to someone you trust can significantly reduce the sense of loneliness that often accompanies the process of exploring your sexual orientation and gender identity. Start by reaching out to someone who is truly capable of listening and offering support, even if it’s just a small first step. Remember, not every environment is safe or inclusive; if you fear a negative reaction, choose carefully whom you wish to confide in.