There are moments when everything feels like too much, when despair takes over, and it seems like there is no chance for change or improvement. Depression is a state that can make us feel this way: tired, exhausted, and without the strength to carry on. Sometimes, when the pain becomes unbearable, we may have suicidal thoughts. This doesn’t mean we truly want to die, but rather that it’s difficult for us to see any other way to be free from the suffering.
What does depression feel like?
Depression is not just a “bad mood” that passes after a few days. It can be a deep, persistent sadness, a loss of interest in things we once loved, constant fatigue, difficulty sleeping or sleeping most of the day, trouble eating, heavy feelings of guilt, and thoughts of worthlessness. When you feel like this will last forever, it can be truly despairing.
How is this related to suicidality?
When we are depressed, we might feel like we are alone in the world, that no one understands us, and that nothing will ever change. This isn’t something that happens all at once. It can start with a feeling of hopelessness, leading to a withdrawal from others, and then perhaps suicidal thoughts may arise.
We might think there’s no point in asking for help, or that no one can truly understand us anyway. Sometimes, these thoughts can turn into a painful question—maybe it’s better to just end it all? Maybe this is the only way to stop all this pain? The feeling about death is often ambivalent. Alongside the desire to die, there is also a desire to live, and above all, there is a desire to stop the unbearable pain. From this great difficulty, there is a belief that only through death can the pain be stopped.
A few things can make us feel that the pain is unbearable:
- Feelings of failure and guilt – When it seems like we have failed in life or aren’t good enough, it weighs heavily on the heart.
- Loneliness – When we are distant and withdraw from other people, the feeling of being alone with the pain only intensifies.
- Difficulty coping with emotions – Sometimes, emotions are so powerful that we simply don’t know how to handle them. This can be frightening.
- A history of suicide attempts – If we have been in this place before, the thoughts may return again.
- Alcohol or drugs – They can make us feel less in control of our lives and may increase impulsive actions.
Opening a door to new possibilities
Even from a situation that seems hopeless, recovery and healing from depression can influence the desire and thoughts of suicide.
In any case, it is important to remember that this is a gradual process of change to return to feeling that we have control and a choice in our lives.
Recovering from depression can bring us back to facing all the challenges that life brings, and this may cause suicidal thoughts to return. Therefore, it’s a good idea to remind ourselves over and over that this is a process that takes time, and every step we take, no matter how small, counts.
Even if we have gone through a difficult crisis, even if it has lasted a long time, it does not mean that this situation will remain forever. It is possible to change, to find the strength within ourselves to ask for help, to be supported, and to get stronger.
It’s not easy to ask for help, and we are here at ERAN to listen to you, 24/7.