During this period, adolescence, so many changes happen all at once: changes in our body, our sexuality, our relationships with family and friends, and the desire for independence. A lot of major changes occur in a short time. These changes are a natural part of adolescence.
This is a time when the center of our lives shifts from family to friends, and our social status becomes critically important: To what extent am I accepted as I am? How much do I feel included or alone? These changes can also trigger intense feelings of confusion, helplessness, and pressure.
What is Self-Harm?
Self-harm is a behavior in which we intentionally harm our body. This harm is usually not suicidal; rather, it is an attempt to cope with emotional pain. The forms of self-harm vary and include, among others, cuts on the skin (especially the hands), scratching the skin, self-stabbing (e.g., with a needle or pencil), self-burning, hair pulling, picking at and reopening wounds, or any other type of physical damage.
Why Do We Harm Ourselves?
Self-harm has a variety of reasons, most of which are related to the need to cope with emotional distress, difficulties, and challenges:
- Release or Relief from Emotional Pain: Self-harm and the resulting physical pain can provide a distraction from emotional distress. Focusing on physical pain creates temporary relief from feelings like anxiety, depression, loneliness, or anger.
- Regaining a Sense of Control: During adolescence, we undergo major changes that bring intense emotions and uncertainty. The body changes, relationships change, and harming the body is sometimes a way to regain a sense of control when life feels chaotic or unmanageable.
- Tensions at home or with friends, arguments, and feeling like there is no one to turn to can deepen the sense of emotional pain and loneliness. Sometimes self-harm seems like the only way to cope with all of this.
- A Call for Help and Expression of Inner Pain: Self-harm is often a means of expressing internal pain that we cannot identify or articulate. When there is a feeling that we cannot talk about our emotions, harming the body is a way to show others the intensity of the distress we are experiencing.
- Guilt and Self-Hatred: At this age, with changes in all areas of life and the difficulties they bring—perhaps in social relationships or body image—intense feelings of self-hatred, shame, or guilt can arise. For some, self-harm serves as a punishment for feelings of failure or rejection they experience.
- Social Media: In the age of social networks and Instagram photos, social pressure in adolescence sometimes becomes unbearable. Constant comparison to others creates feelings of worthlessness and loneliness in the face of “perfect” pictures of friends or famous figures. Self-harm can be a way to deal with this pain, and sometimes also a way to feel belonging to others who do the same.
What Can Be Done?
Even if self-harm is not suicidal, it is a sign of very great distress—perhaps social difficulty, issues at home, trouble fitting in, feelings of self-hatred, anxiety, and a feeling that no one sees or can help. Self-harm has deep emotional roots that can be addressed with appropriate support and professional treatment.
It is advisable to reach out to an adult you trust and feel comfortable with to ask for help and support.