We all have moments when we feel excited, a little pressured, or even scared before a social gathering, an event with a lot of people, or when we have to speak in front of others, like giving a lecture or presentation. This is completely natural. However, when social interaction is accompanied by a deep, paralyzing fear or stress that makes it truly difficult to function, we may be dealing with social anxiety.
Sometimes, social anxiety can feel and appear like extreme shyness, a fear of expressing ourselves, or a fear of taking up space in the world.
What Is Social Anxiety?
If we have social anxiety, we feel great fear, apprehension, or worry about a wide range of social situations or the need to perform certain actions in public, in front of others.
Social situations that might seem simple or trivial to others can cause us stress and pressure. Meeting new people, talking in a group, or even making eye contact can overwhelm us with feelings of insecurity, embarrassment, or shame. Sometimes, we feel like everyone is watching us, scrutinizing our every move, and that every word or gesture we make could be seen as a mistake.
Social anxiety can be generalized or specific:
- Generalized Social Anxiety is expressed as a broad and widespread fear of various social situations, such as meeting new people, daily conversations, and interactions at work or school.
- Specific Social Anxiety is focused on particular situations, such as public speaking, where the fear stems from the need to speak or perform in front of others, but we may feel relatively comfortable in other social interactions.
What Happens to Us with Social Anxiety?
In these situations, our bodies react as if we are in real danger. Our heart rate quickens, hands get sweaty, our face flushes, our throat dries up, and sometimes we even feel nauseous or have a stomach ache. Sometimes it’s very difficult or even impossible for us to speak. These feelings are not something we can control; they are a natural response of the body to distress, even if we rationally know there is no real threat.
There’s a great fear of making a mistake, being caught in an error, or being criticized. Thoughts like, “What if I say something stupid?”, “What if they think I’m weird?”, or “I’m sure everyone can see how tense and stressed I am” can run through our minds. In this state, we can often misinterpret other people’s facial expressions as a sign that they are judging us, even if that’s not the case at all. And the more we think about it, the stronger the anxiety becomes.
The feeling of danger that social situations trigger can cause us to try and avoid them as much as possible. This means giving up on events or places we would want to go to, staying silent when we have something to say, or giving up on anything that involves a stressful interaction.
This avoidance can lead to a lot of self-anger, self-criticism, or disappointment, which increases the stress. This can cause us to enter a loop of anxiety, making it hard to see how we can change things.
How Can We Cope with Social Anxiety?
It’s possible to learn how to cope with social anxiety and reduce its impact on our lives.
- Gradual Practice
One of the things that can help is to gradually practice social situations. Start with small, familiar gatherings and slowly expand to new places. Remind yourself that perfection isn’t necessary. People around us usually don’t notice every small detail we are afraid of.
- Prepare in Advance
Whether you’re preparing for a lecture, a presentation, or any other formal event, or if you’re going to a social event that causes you stress, the more you prepare, the more your anxiety level can decrease. There are fewer unknown factors in the situation.
You can prepare the points you want to talk about in advance. If it’s a lecture or a presentation, you can actually write it out beforehand and practice it. If it’s a social event, you can think about things you can talk about. You can also focus on the person you’re talking to—ask questions and show interest. This can make the situation less intimidating.
- Share Your Feelings
It can be scary, and even embarrassing, to share the feeling of anxiety. But if you find the courage to share your struggles with those around you, with openness and perhaps even humor, this kind of sharing can inspire support and empathy. It can also free you from the effort of hiding how you feel—an effort that drains a lot of energy that can now be used for something more productive.
- Relaxation Techniques
- Deep breathing: Take a deep breath through your nose, hold it for a moment, and then slowly release it through your mouth. This helps calm the body and reduce tension.
- Guided imagery: Before a stressful encounter, you can close your eyes and imagine yourself in a social situation where you feel calm and confident. Positive visualization can reduce apprehension.
- Progressivemuscle relaxation: Start by slightly tensing a group of muscles (like your hands), hold for a few seconds, and then release. Work through your entire body this way to reduce tension.
- Change Your Thought Patterns
You can repeat encouraging phrases to yourself, like “I’m learning to trust myself” or “I don’t have to be perfect to feel like I belong.” You can try to replace negative thoughts, such as “I’m going to make a bad impression,” with thoughts that are in your favor, such as “I’ll just be myself, and that’s enough.”
And if your anxiety continues to interfere with your life, consider reaching out to a professional, joining a support group, or even sharing with close friends. You don’t have to deal with this alone, and there are ways to improve how you feel. Step by step, you can feel freer and more confident with others.