Background, Concepts, and Data
Social boycotts and bullying are acts of violence. These are complex social phenomena that often develop gradually. In the early stages, the harm may be almost invisible, such as consistent ignoring, a lack of response, or quiet exclusion from social groups. These processes can escalate into severe emotional distress, overt harm, and actual risk situations for children and adolescents. It is important to understand that the harm often begins silently and deepens over time. This understanding is critical for early detection and an appropriate response from the immediate environment and the educational system.
Recent studies conducted in Israel indicate that many students are exposed to various forms of bullying and exclusion, ranging from social exclusion (intentional removal from a social circle) to verbal, social, and digital harm. Data shows that reporting rates are particularly high during middle school—a period characterized by increased social sensitivity.
Even non-physical harm carries significant emotional and behavioral consequences, such as damage to one’s sense of belonging, prolonged distress, and an increased risk of depression and suicidal ideation.
A Short Glossary: Understanding the Language of Today
To understand these phenomena, it is important to be familiar with current terminology:
- Covert Exclusion: A quiet termination of a relationship without an explicit declaration.
- Overt Social Exclusion (Boycott): Clear and declared exclusion of a child, adolescent, or adult from a group.
- Verbal Bullying: Cursing, mockery, and spreading rumors.
- Emotional Bullying: Intimidation, humiliation, and intentional ignoring.
- Cyberbullying: Insults, embarrassing posts, removal from groups, and degrading tagging online.
- Ghosting: A sudden cut-off of communication.
- Exclusion: The quiet removal of someone from a group.
- Shaming: Publicly shaming someone online or in class.
- Gaslighting: A form of manipulation where the victim is made to question their own reality or feel as though they are “imagining” the harm.
Social harm may appear low intensity to an outside observer, but its internal impact on one’s sense of security and self-worth can be deep and long-lasting.
How to Cope with Social Exclusion and Harm
Coping with situations where you are ignored or harmed can lead to feelings of loneliness and a loss of confidence. Even in these situations, there are ways to receive support and take steps to strengthen your emotional stability and regain a sense of control.
Immediate Steps
- Reach out to an adult: Speak with someone you trust – a parent, teacher, counselor, or any adult you feel comfortable with. Sharing allows you to understand the situation and act in a safe, organized manner.
- Don’t face these feelings alone: A single conversation can reduce emotional overload and open the door to further help. It is vital not to carry the burden of the harm by yourself.
- Document digital harm: In cases of online bullying, it is recommended to save screenshots or any other evidence. Organized documentation helps explain the situation and allows relevant authorities to take action.
What can you say in the moment?
Short, clear responses can help stop escalation and maintain your personal boundaries. Choose the phrasing that fits the situation:
- “I don’t accept this behavior.”
- “I am asking you to stop this.”
- “I will not participate in this kind of conversation.”
- “I am ending this argument here.”
- “I need some space right now.”
- “I am not taking part in this.”
Maintaining Mental Stability and Strength
- Taking a breath or waiting a moment before responding can prevent the situation from worsening.
- Reaching out to a close friend or relative can provide an emotional anchor in real-time.
- Asking for help, even if it feels awkward, is a strength, not a weakness. Receiving support strengthens your ability to cope with harm over time.
When is Professional Help Necessary?
Professional help should be sought when signs of significant emotional distress develop. These signs may include:
- Noticeable changes in regular behavior or prolonged withdrawal.
- A sharp decline in mood or persistent difficulty in daily functioning.
- Sleep disturbances or loss of appetite.
- Increased feelings of fear, despair, or hopelessness.
Whenever the harm begins to affect functioning, mental health, or a sense of safety, early intervention by a professional is crucial to evaluate the situation and provide appropriate support.
Immediate Action Tips
- Reach out to a safe adult and share what is happening.
- Avoid immediate reactions to provocation; choose a considered response that prevents the situation from escalating.
- Document every instance of harm, especially online, to allow for organized handling of the matter.
- Identify two personal support figures in advance whom you can turn to in times of need.
- Remember: The responsibility for the harm lies with the person acting abusively, not the person being harmed.
- Contact HELP LINE via chat, WhatsApp, or phone for professional emotional support.
- In cases of online harm, you can call 105 – the National Child Online Protection Bureau, which operates in cooperation with the Israel Police and welfare/education authorities.
Even in situations of emotional overload and uncertainty, support systems are available to help you build stability and regain a sense of security.
If you are experiencing violence or bullying, reach out for help and support.
This article was written by Dr. Michal Ben Ari, Director of ERAN’s Internet Support Services.