In these times of sharp shifts between hope and despair, we experience brief moments of optimism from media reports, which are immediately replaced by feelings of despair, stress, and stagnation. Unfortunately, Israeli citizens have had to get used to this cycle over the past year and three months, but it’s important to understand the effect of these fluctuations on our nervous system.
When our sympathetic nervous system is activated during stress, adrenaline is released in the face of danger, which allows us to fight, flee, or freeze. After the dangerous event is over, the parasympathetic nervous system kicks in, helping to balance the body and reduce the effects of excess adrenaline. Since October 7th, our system has frequently moved between these two poles but doesn’t always manage to fully release the stress and difficulty. Hope is an important resource these days, and we have the ability to cultivate it to balance ourselves and get through such a tense and volatile period.
Victor Frankl, author of “Man’s Search for Meaning,” wrote: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Frankl guides us to see that we have the power to regain control, even when the external world is in great turmoil and a chaotic reality.
The Circle of Control
A key concept to understand is the “circle of control.” Focusing on things within our sphere of influence actually reduces stress and emotional overwhelm and increases our sense of control. The psychologist Julian Rotter wrote in the 1960s about the difference between an internal and external locus of control:
“Internal control, in contrast to external, refers to the extent to which people expect that reinforcement or a behavioral outcome depends on their own behavior or personal characteristics. This is compared to the extent to which people expect the reinforcement or outcome to be random, related to luck or fate, to be under the control of others with power, or to simply be unpredictable.” (Rotter, 1966)
Engaging in activities that give us a sense of pleasure, capability, and skill, like getting out in nature, doing things for loved ones, exercising, practicing positive self-talk, and reducing news consumption, allows us to reclaim a sense of control and gives us a greater feeling of self-efficacy. In contrast, dwelling on things outside of our control can intensify feelings of anxiety, fear, sadness, and frustration, and lead to emotional overwhelm.
So, What Can You Do?
One exercise you can try is to draw two circles: an outer circle labeled “Outside my control” and a smaller, inner circle titled “Within my control.”
You can write down all the problems and challenges that are bothering you in all areas of life, or in just one area. Then, in the inner circle of control, put the things that you can influence, change, or do something about. In the outer circle, write all the things that you cannot influence or change.
Afterward, for each topic in the “Within my control” circle, write down the actions and goals you can take and a timeline for their completion.
This exercise helps you clearly see what is and isn’t within your sphere of influence. Identifying the things you can control strengthens your sense of stability, fosters hope, and allows you to act proactively instead of reacting passively to reality.
This article was written by Yigal Ben Aharon, Director of ERAN Kfar Saba branch